April 9th, 2009 - On a bus somewhere in the middle of South Korea

Before I agreed to sign a contract and play baseball in South Korea I had some serious reservations. I just wasn't sure I wanted to put my family through the sacrifice that comes with playing in Asia again and I wasn't sure I wanted to start all over in a new Asian baseball culture. Japan brought it challenges but equally it's rewards and ultimately I look at that experience as a very positive one despite a few bumps in the road.

When the bumps come you revisit your decision and wonder if this is really what you want to do. That's where I was today. I love the game and am still passionate about playing and preparing to play. That attitude is a vital piece of the puzzle that is my baseball career. If that passion dwindles I have to walk away from the game, there is no other option but I'm not there.

Still today, for about the 3rd time this season, I was wondering if I made the right decision. I've been deactivated from the Major League roster after pitching just 1 inning this season. The details of that work are in my last post. Also deactivated were our starting 1B, 2B and shortstop. The team is currently 2-2. This is an unique experience for an American.

I'm extremely grateful for the support and kindness of my Korean teammates. They really have been great. Whenever something happens that I might find frustrating or don't completely understand they are quick to lend me a word of encouragement trying to help me adjust to how things work here. Today I was talking to one of them and telling him I just wasn't sure I was up for this and contemplated a return to America. He quickly shot down that notion and somewhat reprimanded me for even entertaining the idea. He did it in a supportive way and I appreciated it. He also shared a personal story in hopes that it would encourage me to keep on keeping on.

At the end of the day I was only sharing the thoughts I have been having, I have signed a contract and I will honor it. I have worked hard since I first got to Kochi, Japan in late January and have been prepared for every game I have pitched. That will continue. I don't have the option of walking away or giving anything less than a full effort. I play for an audience of One, capital "O" and I can never forget that even though sometimes I do.

As a Christian I have put my life in the hands of the one true God. That means both my personal life and my work life, all of it. I must accept the things that come my way fully trusting it is the Lord pulling the strings. The good things are easy to say "OK" to, it's the tough ones that challenge your faith and ultimately should draw you closer to God. In my current situation if that means being deactivated from the Major League roster so be it. If it means having a great season then I’d certainly be open to that to. If it means getting released and moving on I have to trust that decision as well.

In the grand scheme of things it's just baseball and although a meaningless part of life it provides an arena for God to teach me and shape me.

A few years ago I heard a great sermon about something called AQ, adversity quotient, in Baseball Chapel in Baltimore. As a Christian Christ calls us to strive to be like Him. I am grateful Jesus wasn't a quitter and leaving us to find our own way to the Kingdom. He could have walked away, sparing Himself the pain, but he chose not to. Instead He honored His Father's will despite how uncomfortable that will would make Him. I cannot be a quitter either, in any situation, even as tempting as it can be on days like today. Our ability to overcome adverse situations and circumstances, our AQ, must be strong. It is part of what is supposed to separate us and I needed to be reminded of that today.

The adventure continues and my faith is tested almost daily. I'm grateful God loves me enough to keep giving me these building exercises as frustrating as they can sometimes be.


source: cjbaseball.com
credits: aeinsshi